I would like to know just how good the invention of sliced bread was.We've all heard the saying "best thing since sliced bread," but before that, what was "the best thing", wiping your ass?
How bad were things, that the thought of taking stale, saw dust and rat dropping filled bread and slicing it, made people excited? How stupid were people to have not thought of that sooner?
"You slice your bread?...I...uh...started doing that ages ago, back in 512BC at least."
Was slicing your bread "the new black" or "the new gay"?
How simple life must have been to be so excited over slicing your loaf instead of tearing at it. I wish life was that simple now but instead we've got wars, pollution, crime and people who shop at Wal-Mart.
Or maybe life was so bad, that such a simple thing as slicing bread made the world take notice? I suppose that when sliced bread was likely invented, people were worried about the bubonic plague, saber tooth tigers, and male chastity devices which had sharp spines on the inside of the ring, hungrily waiting enlargement.
"Coming up in in today's news, a tyranosaurus rex ate 17 people and Corg sliced his bread. More at 6." Of course that would likely be beaten into a drum and danced out or puffed in smoke signals.
But really, how great was the invention of sliced bread? I suppose it lead to the creation of things like jams, jellies, peanut butter, toasters, mayonaise/Miricle Whip (same thing) and Montreal Smoked Meat Sandwiches. Sliced bread has probably injected trillions of dollars into the global economy: sandwich shops (Subway, Mr. Sub, Quizinos, NY Deli, etc.), bread knife makers, and toaster factories and all the people who work behind the scenes on production, planning, sales, and transport.
And let's not forget that without sliced bread, deli-meats had no home. 90% of left-over holiday turkey was thrown out before sliced bread because they had nothing to do with it other than soup. Since then, thanks to turkey sandwiches--and sliced bread--that number has been greatly reduced.
Sliced bread has even survied the pita fad of the late 90's and the more recent anti-carb wrap craze. Not to be confused with M&M, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince or Jay Z (or Jay Zed as he's known in Canada).
On the down side I guess it did spawn Vegemite and ruin many people's mornings when their toast came out burnt.
10 comments:
Wow
Sometimes, your creativity amazes me, Jeffer. I mean, sliced bread brought on the whole "slicing" phenomenon, or "portions" as we know it now.
Previously, people tore the bread, or just hunkered around the kill and ripped off hunks with their teeth. It was a real breakthrough! Slices of apples, glasses of milk, a piece of cake. How dare you trivialize it!
The only shame is that it happened so close to the invention of the wheel... we should be saying "The best thing since the wheel".
Damn sliced bread... stealing all the glory.
You're such a wheel-lover.
You're right, this is something I would post about.
The reason slicing bread was such a big deal (you know, since you asked) isn't so much that it was now pre-sliced, it was that they were able to buy it at the store already made for the first time, thus saving several valuable hours in a woman's day...each and every day. You know, to be able to devote more time to things like going down to the river and beating the laundry against a rock, and giving birth and raising the 23 child.
What meaningless task was your boss making you do that you contemplated this instead of working? i know i contemplate some crazy things, but alas...
And I always thought it was powdered milk, but i may be wrong.
Yeah: I was in a meeting when someone had an idea and that same someone proclaimed their idea to be "the best thing since sliced bread." No blogging allowed at work. I like my job.
Party: Thanks for the insight.
," but before that, what was "the best thing", wiping your ass?....
I'm not entirely sure about this, but I'm willing to bet wiping your ass WITH sliced bread may have quickly evolved. I'm just saying.
Oh, I'M disturbed??
Where the hell did you come up with "male chastity devices which had sharp spines on the inside of the ring, hungrily waiting enlargement"??
Actually...Forget it. I don't really need to know.
So how do you know that sliced bread lead to the invention of peanut butter and other spreads? Could it be that the spreads lead to the invention of sliced bread?
Crog may have discovered peanut butter and thought "Me got to put on something!"
You know what they say...Necessity is the mother of invention. Dumbass luck is the father.
Jeff, that was awesome! I especially liked the jab about people who shop at WalMart. :)
I honestly thought that milk came from a yellow bag of white power behind the kitchen door up until I was 8.
Thanks for reminding me, Yeah him.
Jeff, I accidentally fell into your blog while searching for the misguided country singer who thought he could cover Lips of an Angel. I laughed my ass off at your post about sliced bread. Then, I read your profile and discovered we share a love for Audioslave, Legends of the Fall, certain Adam Sandler movies and best of all "Into Thin Air" which I thought was amazing. We also feel similarly about musicals and theater. You are my kindred spirit - keep up the good work!
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