Shitty-th Birthday

So this weekend, Easter Weekend, was my 30th birthday. I'm not into birthdays what-so-ever, but literally, this was my shittiest birthday ever.

I had the worst diarrhea ever! Non-stop from early Thursday morning until Saturday morning and I'm not even sure what caused it.

Possible cause #1. KFC and salmonella: Tuesday night the Debbie brought home some Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner (Two Dollar Tuesdays!). It was delicious and appeared fully cooked. Debbie didn't get sick, but the timing of my sickness would match the timelines of food poisoning (8-12 hours after consumption).

Possible cause #2. Unknown and gastric enteritis. The KFC tasted fine, was fully cooked. I have no idea. I question salmonella and food poisoning because I didn't puke. Just a lot of poopy.

It all started Wednesday around 2pm when my guts started to yell at me and by 5pm I was spray painting the toilet bowl like a blind gangster in a hurry. But it gets even better!

Due to some issues, Debbie had to leave for some family issues over night so I was all alone. About 3:30am, I got up to do the deed. When I finished, I went downstairs to have a drink of water and swallow some more pepto. As I'm finishing my water, I feel myself get all weak, very hot and my vision goes all white, the usual pre-cursors to passing out. Recognizing this, I knelt on the floor to get ready and sure enough, down I went.

I don't know how much longer after, I was woken up because I almost shit my pants so I fought my way to the downstairs washroom where I had the worst episodes ever! Sweat was dripping off my face, I quadrouple flushed before I finally finished.

I clean up, take one step, then next thing I know I wake up lying on the welcome mat at the front door while using my shoe as a pillow (surprisingly comfy at that point). I laid there for a few minutes figuring out what to do and my train of thought was quite interesting.

I knew I needed help, but I didn't want to call 911 because they'd come with sirens and lights cause a commotion in the hood. Cancelled that idea.

I could call the hospital emergency department, but didn't want the commotion and I didn't know the number.

I could call Debbie, but she's in Hamilton and has her own issues to deal with and doesn't need to worry about me.

I thought I could drive myself in a few minutes to the hospital...but I don't know where they are. Plus I did have a moment of clarity when I thought I shouldn't drive if I can't even walk or stand.

So, in the end, I decided I would get a Jolly Rancher candy and go back to bed.

Of all the international adventures I've had and all the illness I've picked up from those, I've never had anything that lasted so long. It was horrible!

Anywho, I've now had solid food for a day and a half and am feeling tremendously better.