Catapults and Lip Chap

In preparation for my trip to SE Asia, I checked the carry-on restrictions. Did you know that I can't bring a catapult as a carry-on? Are they serious? I'm so disappointed!

But realistically, they probably had to put this on the list because some retard tried to bring one on a flight and argued and probably tried to sue the airline because he couldn't bring his catapult into the passenger cabin.

According to Air Canada, all carry-on liquids and gels must be in a see-through container no larger than 100mL and individually sealed in resealable bags. Whatever. But what I'm seriously concerned about is my lip chap.

I am so addicted to lip chap, that I honestly can't go more than eight hours without using some...and that's not a happy eight hours. One time I went 24 hours and I nearly checked myself into an insane asylum. I don't know what they put into lip chap, but I bet it comes from Columbia and a lot of people died and a lot of people got rich getting it into the country.

Will my lip chap be considered a "gel" and therefore be contra-ban since it's not in a see through container??? The flight from Toronto to Hanoi, Vietnam is over 24 hours!

If they take it, I'll have chewed off my lips before I get to Vancouver. I guess I won't even be able to catapult myself out of the plane when I go nuts!

I know I have a problem when I stash lip chaps where ever I frequent. I've got two at work, one in my car, one in Debbie's, one in my hockey bag, kitchen, bedroom, dining room and under the coffee table. I'm also packing three in my checked luggage and one in my pocket for the flight.

And my lips aren't even chapped. If I go without, my lips feel like they are on fire, burning and feel like they're peeling and cracking even when they're smoother than the day I was born.

Oh well. Maybe Debbie can smuggle me some on board.

The New You Tube

I was shown this website, Funny or Die, which is supposed to rival You Tube. Unlike You Tube, when you post a stupid video, it stays on forever. On Funny or Die, if your video is voted not funny, it goes into the crypt to die. I've checked out some of the videos and I think a lot are about to go into the crypt.

There is one funny one called The Landlord starring Will Ferrell. Check it out here.

Funny

Jeopardy Degree

A co-worker and I were talking at lunch about what we'd do if we won a small lottery; small being $1,000,000.

I had my usual answer of taking a year leave of absence and travelling the world but she had a great idea that I really like.

She'd quit and go back to school to become a Jeopardy champion. She'd take geography, American history, world history, American and world politics, religions, basic biology, chemistry and physics, pop culture (movies, music, and TV), world literature, Shakespeare and a few others, all in an obsession to be a Jeopardy champ!

If I were a professor or dean, I'd make a four year program called Trivia Master Degree Program, and to get your Masters Trivia Master Degree, you'd have to win one Jeopardy game but for your PhD you'd have to win at least four consecutive games.

Take that Ken Jennings!

Check out this link here. Click on the one that says "Sean Connery, French Stuart, and Burt Reynolds -- Turd Ferguson; A Petit Dejeuner." I tried to find it on YouTube so I could embed it into this post, but I can't find it.

12 Days Until We Go

We've got 13 days until we leave for Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand! We're pretty excited.

We fly in to Hanoi, Vietnam and meet up with good friends Brent and Steph who are just about finished teaching english in S. Korea. Then a day later, our friends Ron and Yvette get in.

At that point, we are going to tour Halong Bay on a junk boat (not a literal translation) then scoot down to Ho Chi Minh for a day or so.

Then we cross into Cambodia and see the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh (Nom Pen), travel north to Siem Reap to see the sunrise at Angkor Watt.

After that, we move to Chiang Mai in north Thailand where we will do bamboo rafting, elephant tours, ancient hill tribes and the more adventurous stuff before flying to the island Ko Samui for some R&R on a white sand beach resort, then head to Bangkok.

I have always heard stories but thought they were urban legends but in the Lonely Planet book, it talks about "ping pong shows" in the red light district! Pop! Pop!

Nothing is really planned because we are just going to do what we feel like, when we feel like it. Each day we'll ask the hotel or guest house to arrange the next day's tour or else we'll just take two steps onto the street with our packs on and I'm guessing it'll take less than 30 seconds for someone to come up and offer their tour guide services.

Either way, we leave here April 26th (Debbie's 28th birthday) and fly home from Bangkok May 25th.

Shitty-th Birthday

So this weekend, Easter Weekend, was my 30th birthday. I'm not into birthdays what-so-ever, but literally, this was my shittiest birthday ever.

I had the worst diarrhea ever! Non-stop from early Thursday morning until Saturday morning and I'm not even sure what caused it.

Possible cause #1. KFC and salmonella: Tuesday night the Debbie brought home some Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner (Two Dollar Tuesdays!). It was delicious and appeared fully cooked. Debbie didn't get sick, but the timing of my sickness would match the timelines of food poisoning (8-12 hours after consumption).

Possible cause #2. Unknown and gastric enteritis. The KFC tasted fine, was fully cooked. I have no idea. I question salmonella and food poisoning because I didn't puke. Just a lot of poopy.

It all started Wednesday around 2pm when my guts started to yell at me and by 5pm I was spray painting the toilet bowl like a blind gangster in a hurry. But it gets even better!

Due to some issues, Debbie had to leave for some family issues over night so I was all alone. About 3:30am, I got up to do the deed. When I finished, I went downstairs to have a drink of water and swallow some more pepto. As I'm finishing my water, I feel myself get all weak, very hot and my vision goes all white, the usual pre-cursors to passing out. Recognizing this, I knelt on the floor to get ready and sure enough, down I went.

I don't know how much longer after, I was woken up because I almost shit my pants so I fought my way to the downstairs washroom where I had the worst episodes ever! Sweat was dripping off my face, I quadrouple flushed before I finally finished.

I clean up, take one step, then next thing I know I wake up lying on the welcome mat at the front door while using my shoe as a pillow (surprisingly comfy at that point). I laid there for a few minutes figuring out what to do and my train of thought was quite interesting.

I knew I needed help, but I didn't want to call 911 because they'd come with sirens and lights cause a commotion in the hood. Cancelled that idea.

I could call the hospital emergency department, but didn't want the commotion and I didn't know the number.

I could call Debbie, but she's in Hamilton and has her own issues to deal with and doesn't need to worry about me.

I thought I could drive myself in a few minutes to the hospital...but I don't know where they are. Plus I did have a moment of clarity when I thought I shouldn't drive if I can't even walk or stand.

So, in the end, I decided I would get a Jolly Rancher candy and go back to bed.

Of all the international adventures I've had and all the illness I've picked up from those, I've never had anything that lasted so long. It was horrible!

Anywho, I've now had solid food for a day and a half and am feeling tremendously better.